Without Words
by porcelainanimals
Summary: The right words just never come to mind. NxBlack. Gameverse.
1. Silent Musings

**Pairing: **NxBlack

**Author's Note: **What is this? An update? Oh gosh, I'm super sorry for disappearing on you all, haha. On the bright side, summer vacation is almost here and I'll try my best to post a few stories up then! Anyways, here - have a multichapter! (What? A multichapter? Really?)

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><p>Black has never been one to talk much. He finds it hard to put his thoughts into words, to give them meaning the rest of the world can understand. He likes to think, but he's not sure he thinks in words; rather, his thoughts are in colours, in shapes, feelings, sounds, sensations that only he understands. So, he stays quiet. He hangs back and watches as others around him talk and argue, laugh and gossip. And when they look at him, he just smiles and motions at them to go on. He plays with the collar of his shirt and stares out the window.<p>

xxx

He's minding his own business when he bumps into a tall stranger with long, green hair. They don't say anything, just nod apologies, and part ways. Later, Black finds he can't get the other out of his head.

xxx

There's some sort of commotion going on in the center of Accumula Town and Black watches from the edge of the crowd, hearing, but not really processing the words. Cheren's confused; Black can hear him mumbling to himself under his breath. Cheren talks things out when he doesn't understand them - Black just muses them over silently. And then, that stranger is there again. For some reason, the brunette finds himself looking down at his feet to avoid eye contact, but Cheren's started talking to him. His name is N.

"He's nuts," Cheren remarks as the other leaves. Black just shrugs back in response, his eyes following that white shirt until he's gone.

Somewhere along the way, he finds out about Team Plasma. He's not sure he wants to part with his Pokemon. Maybe they're unhappy, but Black is... Black is lonely. Is that so wrong? That night, he stares at his Pokeballs listlessly and wonders about rights and wrongs. He releases his Snivy and the small grass Pokemon curls up on the pillow next to him, murmuring contentedly. He falls asleep soon after.

xxx

N talks about liberation, about heroes and legendary Pokemon. Black still doesn't understand, and he just shakes his head, asking silently with his eyes. The older male looks at him and smiles.

"I... want to see things no one can see. The truths of Pokemon inside Pokeballs. The ideals of how Trainers should be. And a future where Pokemon have become perfect... Do you feel the same?"

Black honestly doesn't know what to say, so he nods. Affirmation seems to be the way to go in this situation. They battle and Black watches N, memorizing the way he moves. The other's fingers are long, pale and graceful; he knows what he's doing. The brunette just watches. After the battle, his Snivy gives a humph of victory and turns to him for praise. Black smiles and pats her head as she smiles contentedly. This time, N is the one watching him, and Black wonders what he's thinking. _We'll be friends_, the other says, and then he leaves. Black is always the one being left behind.

xxx

The amusement park is full of flashing lights and laughing children. The brunette silently follows after N, weaving through throngs of happy families, then gets into the Ferris wheel with him. He listens to N talk, never taking his eyes off of the green-haired male. The carriage stops at the top and he finally looks away to watch a stray balloon drift by.

"I am the king of Team Plasma."

Black doesn't turn around. He doesn't move. He's not really sure what to think, what to do, what to say. He thinks things over. He wonders. As the carriage starts to move again, he turns around and asks silently with his eyes, and N looks uncertain. They battle again, and Black is so tired of fighting and not understanding. As the older male leaves, the brunette reaches out and their hands brush lightly. Their eyes meet briefly. _I don't understand_. N hesitates, and then he slips out of reach.

xxx

"If your conviction is not strong enough, you will never be able to defeat me."

N is right, Black thinks. Because N understands, N knows what he wants, and Black is still thinking things out as connects imaginary lines between the nighttime stars and makes shapes. The wind is blowing gently through the trees. He likes the way the leaves rustle and whisper to each other. If only he could understand what they were saying. He opens his mouth, as if he's going to say something, but then he changes his mind. After all, there's nobody there to hear him, even if he did say something. Cheren would know what to do. Bianca would know what to do. Black just doesn't want to be alone. He falls asleep, dreaming of emerald eyes.

xxx

When they meet again in Chargestone Cave, Black isn't sure what to do. He's scared, he's tired. Everything is moving too fast. There's too much to take in. Somehow, N makes his chest feel tight. They stand in silence for a moment as Black avoids eye contact.

"Do you have a dream of your own?"

Somehow, Black's head moves on his own, and he nods. His own actions surprise himself. N looks at him and the brunette can't read the emotions in his eyes, so he tells himself that he gave the right answer. Their fingers brush again, but this time, he holds on a little longer. His chest tightens again and he hides a blush.

N is angry when he leaves. Professor Juniper just shakes her head in the way adults do as Bianca stands back a little, looking shocked.

xxx

They bump into each other outside the Mistralton Gym and Black is reminded of their first meeting. N talks about things Black doesn't really understand, things about the Light Stone and the Dark Stone, about visions and liberation. Then, he turns to leave, and Black reaches out and grabs his hand. _Don't go_, he wants to say, but his mouth isn't good at forming words. N seems to understand anyways, and he twines their fingers together and pulls him along. Black likes the way their hands seem to fit together perfectly.

xxx

Black still doesn't understand the things N says. He just knows he feels empty and he tries to reach out, but the older male always manages to slip through his grasp.

_To be continued._

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><p>Yes, yes, I know, I lied, and this is pretty much just a compilation of many little drabbles. But hey - they're <em>chronological<em>. Anyways, I'd love to hear your thoughts, so please review. You have no idea how happy that little review-alert-email makes me.

Edit: Ok. So, apparently, this site doesn't like it when I use dashes, so I used little x's to mark the spaces in between the events. Hopefully, that makes it more understandable, haha.


	2. Hushed Confessions

**Author's Note**: Remember when I said I was going to upload chapter two in a week? I lied. I meant I was going to upload chapter two in two years.

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><p>Sometimes, Black thinks he catches a glimpse of that elusive, emerald-haired mystery, but then the moment is over and he's left feeling strange. He doesn't understand the way his chest feels so hollow. Has he always felt this way?<p>

xxx

N's words make him feel special, so he replays them to himself at night and falls asleep to the sweet lullabies of the wind.

xxx

At the top of Dragonspiral Tower, N is waiting and Black finds himself running towards the other as fast as he can, tripping over his own feet, suddenly desperate. When he feels strong arms wrap around him, he feels tears and chokes them back. He can't cry. Crying is...

He's clutching N's shirt between his fingers as tightly as he can and the older male just smiles and presses their foreheads together. He can feel his breath against his cheeks, closes his eyes, and time stops. For the first time in weeks, Black feels as if he can breathe.

xxx

When they meet again in front of the fallen Champion, N is not the person that Black knew. He avoids eye contact with the brunette; his eyes have glazed over with the surge of power, with the knowledge that he's doing what he thought was right. Black feels rooted to the floor as he watches everything silently. N disappears amidst the chaos.

Black takes his time going through the Team Plasma castle. He drags his feet. Serperior croons victoriously as he defeats the last member and he sighs heavily because this is it. Through those doors, N is waiting and Black isn't ready, but he pushes through and his breath catches in his throat.

But he can't have him so he hangs back. He's not listening anymore, just wanting, desperately wanting, and then, everything goes wrong. Reshiram is behind him, roaring furiously. And after all that's happened, N approaches him slowly and touches his cheek. He reaches up to clutch desperately at a thin white shirt, trying to anchor the other to him as he begs with his eyes to just stay, to be with him, to make everything work out. He needs this more than he's ever needed anything before and if only for his sake, N has to stay.

"You said you have a dream. That dream... Make it come true! Farewll!"

It's a bittersweet whisper and with that, N gently unclenches his fingers, drops a kiss on his forehead, and disappears.

Black screams.

xxx

He doesn't remember much of what happened that day, doesn't remember Cheren running up to hold him back, doesn't remember crying his eyes raw. He's champion now, whatever that means, and his days are filled with faceless reporters and things he has to do. He's tired. So tired.

Black spends what free time he has alone and listens to Reshiram croon as it flies back and forth, finally landing with a great thud next to him. It regards him warily and he wonders if he's gained its trust yet. He holds out his hand and the great dragon meanders over, letting out a soft growl as it closes its eyes. Its feathers are softer than anything he's ever touched before and he wonders where N is. Wonders when he messed everything up.

xxx

It's the middle of the night when something nudges him awake. He fumbles in the darkness for his lamp but there's no time before some shrill squeaks - Cinccino, is that you? - are urging him forward. He finds himself on the roof of his house, the cool wind playing with his bedhead, and Reshiram beckons him onto its back. Sleepily, he wanders over and barely manages to hold on before it takes off.

The sudden rush wakes him up like a cold shower and he admires the small dots of light that glow below them like stars. After what seems like forever, Reshiram suddenly descends into a forest he thinks he might have once known and he spends the night there, huddled beneath a giant wing that keeps him warm.

In the morning, Emolga brings him berries and he eats them slowly without question. His Pokemon know him better than his friends do, better than he knows himself, and he manages a weak smile when the animal chirps happily. Maybe he just needs some time away.

xxx

He's sleeping when a tender caress rouses him. He blinks wearily and when he smells the faint scent of vanilla, he jerks awake, eyes searching desperately, but nobody's there. He's breathing heavily and it feels like he's falling. He starts running.

Black isn't sure where he's going, isn't sure what's pulling at him, but something is out there. He's out there. He knows; it's a nagging feeling that keeps him going even when he trips and scrapes his palms. It's like being 5 all over again. He's biting back tears of frustration - he sure has been crying a lot lately - and sees a hand held out to him.

"I didn't mean for you to come after me," a familiar voice says quietly and he's so shocked he can't do anything. Finally, with a shaky hand, he reaches for him and touches a cool cheek. He's real. You left me, he wants to say, but only a choked sob comes out and N shushes him soothingly, kneeling to hold him.

He doesn't know how long they stay like that, wrapped in an awkward embrace, but it's perfect. Black leans up to brush his lips against a pale neck and he's almost frantic, almost scared. Slim fingers run through his hair to calm him down, a sweet voice whispering in his ear. He wants to tell him everything, how badly he's missed him, how everything's fallen apart without him, how much he needs him. How is it when he needs them the most, the words won't come?

"It's alright, I know," N murmurs, tilting his chin up to kiss away salty tears he almost hadn't noticed. "I know."

xxx

They're lying on the grass and N's teaching him the constellations, their hands linked between them. His voice is gentle and kind, makes him sleepy, and he leans in a little closer. He curls up against the taller male, fingers tracing shapes on the other's stomach.

N tangles their fingers together and lifts them up to kiss the back of his hand. He pulls himself up until he's leaning right over him, his eyes flutter shut, and he whispers against his lips before he presses them together.

His heart beat is fast, is loud and he hopes N can hear what he's trying to say.

_I like you._


End file.
